Dear Microsoft: We're sorry.

Dear Microsoft,

We are so sorry if we insulted your executive team in our prior post, inferring that someone might think them all dimwits for sending out canned email responses to anyone who wants to advertise on Facebook. You know, your Microsoft email that goes, "thanks for wanting to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on our banner ads at Facebook. We'll get back to you. And hey, don't forget to sign up for Microsoft dial-up internet service and upgrade your Hotmail account!" or something like that.

Look, cross-sales are good. We understand that someone in Redmond must have run the numbers and realized that Microsoft could save millions a year in operating costs by creating stupid email responses to advertising inquiries. Who cares if Facebook is the hottest property on the web? You control its banners, so you can pick and choose! If you push everyone away to automated links instead of wasting $20 an hour for a call center rep to talk to us about $200,000 advertising plans, why, you're saving $180,000!

(OK, that math makes no sense. And we know, Microsoft, that you dig that.)

Now, critics might say such cost-saving moves create a "dead cat bounce," where you see a short lift in profits from your operating squeeze followed by a dramatic, final demise in business customer loyalty. Sort of like how those crap cars built in the U.S. in the 1970s led to a 30-year consumer love affair with Honda and Toyota. Not us. We dig the push-off. You're tough, Microsoft! Shame on us business customers for complaining!

So look. While we're waiting, we'll check on our multiple Google Adwords accounts, and then call the advertising rep from Tremor Media, the guy who gave us his personal cell phone number. He'll help us set up a $200,000 ad campaign behaviorally targeting key demographic groups across hundreds of web sites. In our last campaign with Tremor, the click-through rates were 5x the national average. With his quick response, we'll run our own numbers, weigh options, and build a hard-hitting internet marketing plan. Then we'll tell our 30 corporate clients how awesome Tremor is.

Microsoft, let us know when you get to our request, and when you can get back to us. Good luck with that MSN search thing. And don't worry about Google's Docs & Spreadsheets -- we're sure it's just a joke from Sergey and Larry.

Regards,

Your friends, the media buyers