Microsoft's brilliant plot to stop you from advertising with Microsoft

Say you want to advertise big with Facebook, which requires filling out this Microsoft form. That's right--Microsoft runs Facebook's banner network, and to climb aboard, you have to email a request in to the boys in Redmond. In response, you'll get an email back telling you to wait 2 days for a rep to (maybe) call ... and then the email proceeds to cross-sell you on every other Microsoft service, including dial-up internet service.

Whoa. We said we want to spend hundreds of thousands on advertising. And you're selling us a monthly subscription for dial up?

Some might think this proves a doltish imbecile is running Microsoft's online advertising programs, but no, that would be incorrect. Instead, we think Microsoft is deliberately slowing the pace of online advertising, to thus free up funds for Vista upgrades by Corporate America. You see, this whole Web 2.0 thing is a bit scary for big software giants. If companies spend all their money advertising online, and this promotes the online software widgets that operate within browser windows, who will spend money on Office upgrades? The plastic-bound software in your laptop may eventually go away. So--sweet solution!--let's slow these advertisers down.

We congratulate Microsoft and their consultants on this insightful move. Keep these emails coming, don't return our calls--and we promise, we won't advertise with you!

The email:

Thank you for your interest in advertising on MSN ... For the items listed below, be sure to check out our online solutions.

Ready to launch your ad campaign worldwide? MSN offers advertising around the world.

Let us know your opinion about the MSN Advertising Web site – we appreciate your feedback.

Is your budget under $50,000? Are you looking to build traffic to your site and drive sales? Try the Traffic Builder and get two of our most popular marketing tools at one low price.

Looking for help with your Hotmail Account? Hotmail support can assist you.

Having trouble with your Microsoft .NET Passport? Fill out this handy form to get help from .NET Passport.

Need assistance with MSN Messenger? Contact the Messenger team.

Issues with MSN.com and My MSN? MSN Support can help!

Ready to subscribe to MSN Internet Access? Please visit the MSN Resource Center for all the details on the latest offerings from MSN for dial-up or broadband access!

Looking for assistance with your existing account? Please visit MSN Support Services for contact information and assistance.

Need more storage for your Hotmail account? Hotmail Extra Storage lets you choose from different levels of service according to your needs.

Looking to buy 1 or 2 keywords on MSN Search? MSN Search Support will allow you to submit these words online!

Need to update your Yellow Pages ad? Requests to update or add listings to the MSN Yellow Pages can be sent to yellowpages@msn.com. For updates, please be sure to provide us with the information currently shown on the Yellow Pages (so we can identify your listing), along with the updated or corrected information.

Thank you for your interest!

MSN Advertising Marketing Team

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