About two weeks ago we started getting holiday notes from friends and colleagues, and many shared a common theme: Photos of the actual families they love. A hip client posed on train tracks holding an ornament with his girlfriend/wife. An ad agency chief sent a beautiful image of his kids via email. We toyed with responding, and yes, have a photo of our own two boys in red jackets in the snow in front of a wreath, but somehow this image above, shot last summer, of them posing tough by an old New England prison wall seems more in keeping with the real spirit of youth. (Truth is, Christmas cards are a social virus gone bad, but we digress.)
Which makes us wonder: Why do humans hide their most personal relationships from the majority of people they see each day? We spend more time with co-workers than family; we love our families; and yet rarely do we let the two worlds entwine. The much-bandied social media has extended our Dunbar number of relationships, but it really is just outgrowth of the quasi-personal friendships we build outside bedrooms and living rooms. Twitter looks forward to new relationships; Facebook looks back to classmates of years past; but all the connections are tenuous, people whom you rarely invite inside your home. Do we fear the loss of love if we share our closest lives with others? Do we all on some level build false faces to the globe outside that don't fit inside our families? Or, perhaps, are all people really fragmented by dissociative identity disorder, with multiple external and internal personas that, like matter and antimatter, react violently if allowed to touch the antipodal other?
Don't know. But it is true that only at seasonal times of reflection do most of us let our shields down to show the world the people closest to our souls.
Alter egos
Strange, that humans have two levels of communication, and that we seem to fear sharing our clan with our professional colleagues. So to all of you who opened up a little with us, thank you. We loved the peek inside. In return, here are the Kunz brothers above, usually smiling, but apparently headed for the solemn thoughts of teendom. Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah, share your hearts, don't grow up too fast and all that. We'll see you again truly next year.
3 comments:
As the owner of two teens, I'm careful about what I share online about them, out of respect to their personal privacy and online brands (!)
I've chosen to share nearly every aspect of my life online, but I've always thought it wrong to make that decision for my kids (and wife, who wants nothing to do with any of this Facebook stuff.)
I know that it's easier with smaller kids ("they're so cute!"), and a kid that's 7 today will have his entire life documented on the internet - kicked off by their parents.
But as they get older, I think it's good to give them control over their own online presence - just like we let them pick out their own clothes.
Thanks, Darryl. I still have no idea how I'll manage that...
I'm with you 100% Darryl, even though my kids are not yet teenagers.
Their lives are theirs. I never mention their names on social networks (just refer to them as "son" or "kindergartner") and I may mention things I am doing that relate to them (attending a ballet recital, coaching baseball) but I don't go into details of their actual performance.
Much of it is for their privacy and some of it is for their protection.
And while I do post pictures on Facebook, those are only visible to a group I've created called "Friends & Family" - sometimes people you work with do become friends.
I know there are people who don't have these walls up, who use their kids real names and make them a part of their online narrative (I've scolded some of them privately about this)
I've been fortunate not to get "personal" cards from business contacts, most of whom still seem to rely on the two-card theory: one for friends and family, one for business contacts.
Though I have been surprised to see the staying power of the actual mailed holiday card in the time of Facebook. There are even, I've learned, pecking orders and social clues in the type and color of card one sends.
Humans...
Post a Comment